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It’s so hard to lose a friend or loved one. It’s much harder when the death is as a result of suicide, or accidental drug overdose.

We have too many tributes created because of this. To be very honest, it isn’t the kind of business traffic that makes me happy. It’s heart wrenching to see the comments on those tributes - the recriminations, the blame, the love and the anger. I suppose these are the visceral emotions that we feel at any death, but they seem compounded when we lose someone in the prime of their lives. When their future may have held so much promise.

I hope that by coming together on Respectance, the survivors of these sons and daughters find comfort in each other. I hope they find some of the joy in their loved ones lives that must have been there all along.

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We had dinner with friends last night. A nice little dinner party at our place. There were 8 of us in total with the kids, and we’ve know one another for almost 20 years. We used to get together monthly, moving from house to house and always having a good time. We’ve been through the good and the bad together. Marriages, births, job losses and deaths. Our friendship runs deep.

What we couldn’t get over though, was that this year we’ve only managed 2 dinners? What happened? We talked about how busy our lives have become with work, and other commitments. Then we realized that this was just an excuse. We’ve let the real priorities in our lives become confused. When it comes right down to it, there aren’t many things that are more important than our family, work and dear friends.

We’ve resolved to get back on track with our friendship, our family dinners, and to connect face to face regularly.

Too often on Respectance we read in people’s tributes of how they have drifted away only to lose touch completely with those they love. Unfortunately we can never move time backwards. We live in the moment, planning for the future. We have to cherish every moment because we’ll never know when the last one is here.

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The role that pets play in our lives is a complicated one. As children we have hamsters, fish, or other pets that we watch with fascination and joy. They teach us about the responsibilities of life and death.

Often as adults we get dogs or cats. They are far more interactive and stick around long enough that they really do become members of the family. Our mourning for them when they die can be as intense as when a human dies. The pain is real.

People are starting to celebrate the lives of their pets in new ways. Some create online tributes, some keep their cremated ashes in a cherished place, some bury them in a pet cemetary. There is a woman I read about who had the fur of her dog woven and knit into a sweater. Some people are even having their pets cloned in the hope of having immortality for them.

A friend pointed me to an article in the Dutch press today about Katinka Simonse aka “Tinkebell”. She’s an artist who creates ‘art’ with animals. Some of her exhibits are bizarre, others verge on grotesque. Her latest venture is in taking animals and turning them into objects like a remote controlled guinea pig, and a wind up cat toy. Perhaps the strangest is the stuffed Yorkshire Terrier on wheels. I don’t know if this is art, is this a way to keep your pet with you, or is it simply disrespectful?

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I am sitting here looking at the beautiful fall colors falling from the trees.  Somehow this is the time of year that I miss my family at home most.  Christmas was always the stress filled holiday for our family, expectations were high, and there were so many people to visit with.

Thanksgiving was the fun holiday.  A big meal with the closest and favorite family members.  Turkey, and my Aunt Carol’s pumpkin pie.  It was always warm enough to play football or soccer with my uncles and cousins, while my aunts and grandmother made the meal.

Sadly, I won’t be with the again this year.  Many of my family members have passed away anyhow so it really wouldn’t be the same as I remember.  I’ll be thinking of all of them though.  And I think that I’ll visit their tributes online to say ‘hi’.

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We’re in the midst of exciting times here at Respectance.  I mentioned a few weeks ago that we are in making lots of changes on the front end and the back.  The world continues to shrink as people use the internet, and emosocial media specifically. 

You’ve been asking us for the option of creating online tributes in your languages.  You’ve been asking to use the site without having to translate everything from English.  Well we’ve launched our first in a series of international editions today.  Respectance.nl is online and ready for our Dutch members to use.  We’ve formed some strategic partnerships in the Netherlands and I hope you like the new things you see. 

Please let me know how you like it, and what more we can do for you.  We are listening to you, our members, in setting the future of Respectance.  Have a look and Start nu!

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